There are many great books out there to teach you some basic knot-tying skills, such as The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, but you don't have to get fancy just make sure the knot or tie is something you can undo when you're ready. After you and your partner discuss what activities are on the table when one of you is tied up (perhaps that's spanking, nipple biting, and oral sex are) and what's off-limits (maybe you're not too keen on spitting or face slapping), the tying can begin. Restraint is the crux of many BDSM scene. (This technique can feature in both vanilla and BDSM encounters.)

They can also be used for temperature play, or using hot and cold to provoke arousal during sexual play. Buy a massage candle.Ĭandles are useful for more than just creating mood lighting. When you can't wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you've had in a while. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. You don't have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you're the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. If you're new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. Orgasm control, especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as 'edging.' This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. Once the blindfold is on, the partner not wearing it can tease and tantalize the wearer, leaving them guessing what's coming next by kissing all over their body, whispering dirty talk into their ear, or tickling erogenous zones with a feather. Depending on what role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. You can also use a sleeping mask or the silk tie of a bathrobe. If you want to buy a blindfold, start with a comfy silk one such as this $8 satin mask from Babeland. Say you have a fantasy of being restrained but for now just want to hear your partner tell you about how they're going to tie you up and (consensually) use you, or you'd like to see how it feels to call them 'sir.' Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Try out some dirty talk.Īre you a submissive who likes being reprimanded? Do you want to be told that you're a bad girl and that you're going to do what daddy wants? Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Learning your turn-ons and boundaries (and your partner's) is all part of the fun of BDSM, and discussing your encounter before it happens can be its own anticipation-building form of foreplay. You may be interested in choosing a safe word that stops play if needed.

Before trying anything new, talk it over with your partner to make sure you're both into whatever's about to go down. In fact, the sub can even be thought of as the one in control, since it's the dominant partner's responsibility to always respect their limits. When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we're talking about consensual power exchange: That means that even if a submissive partner is tied up and allowing the dominant partner to dictate what happens in a scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners beforehand. Talk through your interests and boundaries. Likewise, various household items such as rope and clothespins can be used in scenes, and they hardly cost anything at all.' (A 'scene' is how people commonly refer to a period in which the kinky play goes down.) From safely restraining your partner to experimenting with role-play, here are eight ways you can explore BDSM with your partner tonight. 'Much of it is psychological, and if you are looking for impact play, many people feel like no toy beats their hands anyway, and that’s free. 'BDSM doesn’t require any money,' kink-friendly sex therapist Michael Aaron tells Allure. And while investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner or partners, and consensual power exchange, not capitalism. Even in a post- Fifty Shades world, there's no shame in being new to BDSM.

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